"GROOMING".
The emotional bond established through grooming eventually leads to physical contact. Grooming is a process that begins when the predator chooses a target area. He may visit places where children are likely to go: schools, shopping malls, playgrounds or parks. He may work or volunteer at locations that cater to children. Other predators strike up relationships with adults who have children in the home.
An example of the latter would be when a mother of two young girls (ages 8 and 12) invited her new boyfriend to live with them. Unbeknownst to the mother, the boyfriend was more interested in the girls than her. He turned out to be a convicted child molester and eventually admitted to his interest in the girls. He was caught in the grooming process, not only had he moved in with the family, but, he had convinced the mother that it was alright for him to shower with the girls!
Grooming can take place on three levels. The first target is, of course, the victim. However, many times, the parents or caretakers can also be groomed. Finally, there is often a self-grooming that takes place. This is when the offender talks himself into the sexual abuse with thoughts such as, "she wants me", "I can give her love", and "she needs me to teach her".
Any child may be victimized, but, those with vulnerabilities are most often targeted. These children may not have the information based intuition and experiance to keep them from harm. They may not have had the opportunities to learn that there are users and predators in the world around them.
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Sexual predators prey on weakness in much the same way as predators in the "wild". Children with family problems who spend time alone and unsupervised, who lack confidence and self-esteem and who are isolated from their peers, are likely targets! A child who feels unloved and unpopular would more easily gravitate toward anyone who will give them "personal" attention.
One predator that was assessed in prison stated, "I went after the weird one in class, rather than the more popular girls. She probably was abused and doesn't have much self-worth." He targeted rebellious teens who had emotional problems. This type, he said was, "easy prey". He admitted to his developed pattern of getting girls drunk or stoned and then having sex with them. He acknowleged that he'd had around 140 teen partners!!
"Gaining Trust"
Predators recruit their victims using a variety of methods. Many are charming and offer an understanding ear. They are ready to listen to children about how their parents don't understand them and how other kids are mean. Predators learn the self-disclosure works with vulnerable children. They may tell the child theat they went through much the same when they were young. Some offer to play games, give rides or buy treats and gifts as tokens of friendship. They may offer drugs or alcohol to older children and teens. Perpatrators seek to find and fill a void in their victims, often saying things like, "I care for you more than anybody else!" and "I love you, and I am here for you".
At some point, secrecy is introduced during the grooming process. Secrecy "binds" the victim to the predator. "Here's some candy, but, don't tell your mom, she wouldn't want you eating between meals", or don't tell your friends because they would be jealous." Secrecy often leads to threats when the predator feels threatened with exposure. Threats can range from, "If you tell your mother what happened, she will hate you" to "I will kill you/and, or your mother if you tell!"
The emotional bond established through grooming eventually leads to physical contact. Predators use the grooming process to break down a childs defences and increase the childs acceptance of touch. At first the physical contact between predator and victim could be seemingly innocent acts such as wrestling, tickling or having their arm around the shoulder. This non-sexual touching desensitizes the child, breaking down their inhibitions and leads to more overt sexual touching which is the predators ultimate goal.
I used masculine pronouns in describing the perpatrator here because more often males are found to offend. This in no way implies that women/females do not! This information was taken from an article found at: